Romantische Landschaft mit Menschenopfer

Romantische Landschaft mit Menschenopfer
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Samstag, 6. März 2010

Poems of Vanity

Born in Nineteenhundred and fortyone

29.9.1987  n.K.B.D. Hann.

A E A D A E D A E A

You know when we were young
We still did listen to
The language of the birds and the bees
And everything was laughing
And our eyes were shining
And the apples spoke from the trees
I wished to be in love with everything in this world
And especially with you
And every night I dreamed of a mystery
That some further day should come true;
And every night I dreamed of a mystery
That some further day should come true.

We played hide an' seek in the growing grass
That was rising into a light-blue sky
And everything seemed to be all promised to us
And we were really ridin' high
We didn't bother 'bout the things
That were yellin' in the minds
Of the people that have now grown old
We were livin' on our own
And the shadows of the past
Didn't fall upon our souls
We were...

Then the days grew shorter
And our minds were loaded
With teacher-told evil fates
And we were starving in the prison of an education
That should lead to hundred-dollar-plates
Still the sun was shining an' the small white clouds
Swimming in the sky seemed to say:
"Leave your teachers an' books an' trust in us,
We will lead you to a brand new place";
"Leave your...

But the teachers were mad an' the prison was hard
And we couldn't  make our escape
And they moulded an' bent on our starving souls
`Till they found that we were in shape
The blue skies had faded and our memory was filled-up
With an undefinable grey
And the wind started blowin'
And the trains departed
And our youth faded dimmer away
And the wind...

Still the days grew harder
While we laboured gravely
In many a hard days night
We worked eight days a week
And playing hide an' seek
Seemed to be something like a long-gone light
We didn't count the days
We didn't count the nights
That flew across our soul
When suddenly we all discovered our mu­sic: ROCK`N ROLL
When suddenly...

Love discovered us an' the days an' nights
Were gleaming in golden rings
Again the birds were singing
And the skies turned blue
Above colour-exploding things
We were shining bright
Like a new-born light
We were flying on growing wings
And we lived an we worked
And we danced an we searched
And we all were Queens and Kings;
And we lived...

Again a cloudy sky met a new-born-day
That was filled-up with sorrow an' hate
And our minds were distracted and the sights which we saw
Confused our souls and we stayed up late
We couldn't sleep at night
Being all alone
Longing for a mate
But the skies kept silent
And the nights were endless
And we knew that we had to wait
But the skies...

We discovered death
We rode along a road
That was leading us down to hell
We made-up our minds to build a sheltering wall
Undercover in a rusting shell
Still the darkness strengthened in an incessanter mood
And we exploded in a frightened yell
Then suddenly we awoke again
By the ringing of the rock'n-roll-bell
When suddenly...

Now it is past midnight
An' it might be still too early for a sleeping-beauty to rise
But early to rise is a guarantee
To see the birth of a new daylight
Tough it is still not dawn
And since some are blind
There are no more reasons to hide
Let's get up again
It is not too late
This time we'll ride the tide
Let's get up again...

Well all together sing
Like a ringin' a bell:
"Let's make up for a brand new start;
We are still alive
And we have not grown old
Though sometimes they are coming hard
Now our children are rising
And they want to see
And our experience to know
Let's show `em our way of living an' searching
Our way to rock an roll;
Let's  show  'em our..."
Now let me tell you at last
What I do believe
Since I was a new-born child:
That the world is ours an' belongs to us
And that we shouldn't let it be run wild
Let us stick together for another try
To bemaster us of the things
Yes we never ceased to be what we are:
We all are Queens and Kings:
Yes we...

                             *

II. Spotlights

2.10.1987
D C G D

Sometimes, in a burning flame
Something reminds me of you:
Maybe somebody coming down the line,
A smile, a gesture, or the skies so blue.
Then a spotlight lies on some long gone summer day,
I imagine to realize a long untrodden highway,
And the music of now vanished evenings is heard,
Of sun-glowing-mornings, inflaming earth,
Maybe somewhere in India, on a southern sea-shore
Or a street in some city I seem to cross once more;
And I feel glad to see you there, and to see you smile,
When I remember how we managed to stay together for a while.

It wasn't like much what we were talking about
But a glance or a smile was keeping hope coming out
That maybe someday we could work out a plan (on a screen)
How to escape to someplace were nobody-else yet had been.
But while we were talking it started to rain;              G D
We laughed  'cause we knew that our plans were in vain     G D
And that nobody could know if the day would come
That one of us might know where we go to or we came from
(And that nobody could know if the day would come near
For our plans to be realized, so we went for a beer;
But since this version No.2 would be the end at least of this song
And maybe even of everything as far as everything is maybe nothing
but a song I repeat No. 1 to go on) :
And that nobody could know if the day would come
hat one of us might know where we got to or we came from

"An interesting question, indeed", my family-folks had said
They had worked hard, it was late, TV was out, they were yawning
(and they went to bed)
So I imagined: (I am a child) I'd simply come from the day before
And was doomed for walking from one hour to another hour.
To make that clear: from some yesterday to some tomorrow,
Forever like this, and my heart filled with sorrow.
I couldn't believe in such a senseless life.
"There must be a reason for labour an' strife"!

So I started to look for somebody to help me
Somebody to teach me
Somebody to making me see.
For it was I, I had suggested, who must have been blind,
And that the sense, that must have been lost I should be able to find.

So I found me a teacher, he looked important an' smart...
And he told me at first that my task would be hard;
That there would be a journey, a thousand miles long,
And that I would have to starve, and that I would have to be strong
That the trail would be groundless
That the road would be long
That vigour was wanted
And that I would have to hang on

Since I didn't have another choice (and because I was eager to learn)
I decided to trust in him
And I learned to participate in his an' his whole big court-yards whim
He really made me be amazed, yes he convinced me of his views
And he made me believe that his views were the thruth

I turned into a dwarf, in clothes too wide
And since everybody started laughing I looked for a place to hide
But the evil spell that hung upon me
Made any attempt to escape or just  f e e l  free
Seem to be like a frog's  purpose (when left in a waste)
To escape from the sun by a vainly race
Against the width of the desert
Against the wavering gloom
In the midst of the day
Let's say about high-noon

                *

I do scarcely remember how I finally lost my mind
Beneath a burning sun (and because I couldn't find a place to hide)
I awoke again, it must have been about midnight
But no moon an' stars were shining (though I opened my eyes wide)
I couldn’t make out any direction whether I went to or I came from
So I only could decide to get up an' go on
Until a new-born-morning might rise for me
If it wasn’t darkness forever meant at least for me.

When finally mornin' came, like all mornings come
(With a rather fading-pale), I thought my eyes were putting me on
Though the desert had vanished (maybe somewhere behind me) and gone
Instead a mountainous scope stretched-out to the horizon
But no 'distant ships', to be seen on a sea
That would promise to make the chances for an escape better for me.
When a cold wind started a blowin' I realized I was nude
I went on and I finally found a cave I thought I might be allowed
to intrude into

I sat down on the ground to make-up my mind

I needed something to feed me, something to cloth me I had to find
I still didn’t know any direction nor could make-out
If this was the right method to lead a pupil about
My teacher had drowned in a long-dried-up well
And the path I finally had found seemed to lead me straightway to hell
So I devoted my life to a might-be God
And I decided to call him by the name of Sebaoth
For in a dream I had had during that night in that cave
I was promised that I would live if I would make me his slave.

I felt better as a slave; I was tired of being alone
I wished something was beside me of my own flesh and bone
Again I fell asleep, and when I awoke again
I realized right before my eyes how a girl turned into a woman
This gave me an idea, from somewhere up above an' below
That my teacher might have kept something he had but he didn’t show

Maybe he had me stirred-up in a beautiful-coloured delusion
And maybe this was the reason for my permanently increasing confusion

Though something inside of me kept yelling an' did insist:
"There must be a reason why you an' I exist".
"Though something inside of me...

Now I took that woman into my cave
And now she told me that we would have to be brave
(I could hardly make-out what it was),
but then I had to drink from a mixture first
But when I started drinking I started starving with thirst
So I took that cup again and again and again
But the more I took from it the more I found it to be in vain
Something must be wrong here (a question in my nerves was lit)
And 'though I couldn’t find out what it was I kept working on it
Another woman lay down in my bed
I still kept working on a problem that was aching my head
And everybody was laughing about my simulated pain
But talking about the truth seemed to be a useless complaint

I crossed the snowy/stony mountains, though there was no path
I had left a burnt-out fire behind me, even hatred and wrath
An extinguished volcano, rotten beneath the sun
Then I finally reached a village again, and I kept searching-on
If I only knew what it was, how it looked, how it smelled
(Meanwhile to a work I didn’t like I was compelled)
But when I wanted to set out for a decisive complaint
I had to realize that everybody did the same
My dreams were gone
My nights were a horror
I never was so alone
Drowned in melancholy and sorrow

I went to a teacher, she laughed at me and said
A lot of nasty and mean things I tried not to keep-up in my head
A poet told me to get that into my head:
That the world is ruled by violence
And that I would have to get peace into my head (bed)
If I wanted to get high...
I was reached by a cry
That compelled me to see
That there might be someone in my head
But that it could be that it wasn’t me.

I was still in doubt if the route I'm on
Was leading me to nowhere, when I arrived at an old mansion.
It seemed to be empty, but you know how things go
I couldn’t hold myself from stepping inside
(for I was curious to know)
Except of an edge in the north there was no roof any more
And I couldn’t find a stairway that led me to the second floor
So I visited the basement. A door snapped into a lock
And when I had starved in that prison for a while I couldn’t walk or talk.
It only happened by accident that the employees of an enterprise to pull
it down came by
So I finally was able to collect that scattered peaces of mine an' get
back on my high-way

Now this was a long-kind-of-prison, I can tell you  'cause I know
And I wonder if school can turn into a slaughterhouse somehow
But every-place you go you can get this kind of kicks
On an island in the stream, for instance, and all of your friends become
pigs
It's just one of those things everybody's educated with
And maybe even those who wouldn’t admit to see things like this
And still something inside of me kept yellin' and did insist:
"There must be a reason why you an' I exist".

Now to come to an end: I won’t tell you of many a fight
Of murder lurking, of loneliness in the night
Without sleep, without hope, without partner or light
`Cause everybody by now should know how it is when there's death in sight
An' because I can tell you this tale just because I still live
(and not in vain)
And to tell tales is the task of those that remain
And not in silence, but who do learn to speak
About things how they really happen, who reach language's peak
Maybe just for a sight seeing tour, or to lend you a word
So you yourself may learn to express things always experienced
but maybe still not heard

But I do not claim to make you believe this to be
All of my life or all of my memories
After all you and I know from all we have read an' seen an heard an' wrote
It is - though already too long - scarcely an episode
But I hope that somehow I succeeded to have caught
At least a glimpse of what of life can in general be said or thought about

And if you are waiting now for a happy-end
I can tell you that this is your own task to mend
For your own or maybe even for heaven’s sake
But I'll lend you a hand if I can
And if something serious is at stake

And since I'm still yet led on from day to day
On this journey called life, scarcely more than half-way
I will not attempt - not to contribute to confusion -
To make you believe that I have found any solution
I leave this to the wise men and women, who walk behind
To whisper into your ears all about the ends you are condemned to find
And about everything too that is in-between
And finally even what after life's end is to be seen

But something inside and all around of me won’t stop to repeat and to
insist: "There must be a reason why you an' I exist".

So please pardon me if I seem to get off of my way
If I take myself a heart and I finally dare to say,
That somehow the impact of what I believe is like this:
(And I try to resume it like this, and I have set it a long song above)
If you can't love the one’s that you're with
Then why don’t you live with the one’s that you love?
                             *
III. Dorothy

4.10. 1987

Sometimes I have a feeling I cannot simply denote
With one void word you can have heard spoken or seen wrote.
To refer to the colour of your hair or eyes
Would be somehow misleading or even telling lies.
Even to describe a situation, the place or the light
(And so on) would not lead a listener right.
"And after all", could he think, when listening to me,
- For instance when I use pictures - why I am describing the sea.

"Yes, I've been there, I've seen that, and so did you"
He could think, "and as far as I can see your description is true;
And while my recorder is repeating your poems
I'm aware that my imagination independently roams
Somewhere in between or above your ideas – free wheeling -
When I'm drivin' in my car on a road or lay on my bed and look at the
ceiling
You have told me so much by now about love
About your struggle, your defeats, your victories and even heaven above
And I have listened to you long and thoroughly
To catch every word, meaning, reason or rhyme
And maybe to recover the mystery
Of your existence, and it took me a lot of time
Through listening - to you  a l l  - trough trying to be true
During quicker changing times (to everybody else) and especially to you
I wonder if meanwhile I have forgotten mine

And I wonder on how you could make me listening so long
Did I hypnotize myself or had you been mentally so strong ?
Maybe - it could be possible -  that I
Gave you my best strength
To help you on   y o u r  way
For days, hours, years or even decades at length
As it is in one of those stories told by the sages
That are long gone and left only a few rotten pages
Maybe worthless, but they may leave, when read
Another puzzling mystery in your head

About a person  - for instance -  whom a witch, probably charming and fair
Had begifted - God only knows why - with a hidden golden hair
That caused everybody to imagine his own strength, vigour and beauty
To turn into this seemingly outstanding and unfathomable persons booty
Without being able in any way to realize
The trick of a mechanism making you shrink and others rise in size".
But while the music's playing on, be not bothered by those tales
Or bored, whether you may be children, adults, men or females.
Again my thoughts turn to you and will - if asked - not deny
That these unimportant problems maybe led them astray
Or was it the problem to talk or even just think about that feeling
Again - while you drive in your car on a road or look at the ceiling ?

Sometimes I wake up from a sound in the night
And my mind is inflamed by a long-gone daylight
I see you as I have seen you long ago,  I  d o  s e e  !
And I still remember your name, it is Dorothy
I still love you as I did,now and before
And I wish that you might know it, wherever you are.

It's like a picture my soul has made as it's mirror
- For herself -  and every morning is going to pray there
As it could pray for the sun, for God and for light
For an idea of life, a path and a guide
And finally for the gift of becoming to know
That which includes everything: to understand the sacred vowel.

And now, at the end of this journey ,I can see
Why you, at that day, must have been a revelation for me
As I saw you playing there, in the midst of a crowd
Of children like I am one, and began to wonder about
The simply amazing gleaming rings
That shone all about this well-known street and coloured all things
With you as their center, yes you where the midst of it all
At once need, temptation and close- coming call
To offer me the guidance I was looking for
A promise I had dreamed of in my dreams before -
And I suddenly felt strong and tall
(Though I admit I'm  rather tiny and small)

And especially sometimes I do feel like that
Because - as you can read and as I have read -
It is like a heavy weight
To feel the spirit resting on one's  head.
I do feel vulnerable then and I shrink beneath my back
I can hardly stand sometimes and can easily be hit by a shock
That causes me for a while to forget about my duty
To keep the memories fresh that remind me of your beauty-

You are still young and you'll forever stay
I'm not ashamed that at  y o u r  picture I used to pray
Though I could tell everybody that I just concentrate
On an important remark one of those most-important might have said;
Yes, one of those thoughts, I could easily say
That keeps all the pupils, everybody on the right way.

And so all I need is an unwrathful heart
And a pure mind that keeps me from falling apart
From my memory of you and that day you and I have seen
In a place you maybe do not remember but surely have been.
And still at last I know and I definitely can see
You play in that street long ago in Germany
And maybe though you do not remember that place and me
For my own sake: I'll always love you, Liberty.

And now at this point I would like you to reply
Whether you can remember me and that day
Where you and I will always be
In a street, a small town, in a summer in Germany
And whatever you may do now, you may think or be
I'll always love you like I since do, Dorothy;
And if you maybe cannot remember about you and me
Then why don't you simply try to remember who you  are, back in Germany
And what you as far surely will always be
As far - namely - as "esse est percipi".

                             *

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